I want to warn you that this article is somewhat of a rant in certain places, so don’t get put off by it. If those places and spaces don’t apply to you, then don’t take them personally. But if they do apply to you, then I hope they help to move you in the right direction. So, without further ado, here we go.
Comparing oneself to another is natural. I think I covered that topic thoroughly enough in the prior The Art of People Business – The Truth About Comparisonitis article. But, what I want to do today is give suggestions for the kind of mindset paradigms you need to maintain when comparing yourself to someone else.
When starting a new endeavor, it’s easy to look for or draw inspiration from a visible example of what you envision your life to be like. And that visual representation usually manifests itself through some person and the desired outcome, way of life, or success he or she possesses.
My first suggestion is to make sure that your mindset pulls from your own reality. You must put your future into the proper perspective. Yes, you would like to reach that same level of success that you see in someone you admire, but you should want to earn your success by your own volition, going through your own experiences in order to obtain it.
Your work-in-progress mindset should caution you to steer clear of wishing you were some other person. You’ll never be that person that you prop up waaaaayyy too high on his or her imaginary pedestal. Not because you’re incapable or undeserving of happiness, health, prosperity, and wealth; but because you were created to be individually and uniquely “YOU”.
And, you can’t let down your mindset guard and start internalizing the negative, when comparing yourself to another. Don’t let envy and resentment creep in towards the person or people that have achieved that level of success you’re desiring. They had to go through their own experiences, challenges, set-backs, and triumphs to get where they are.
And please make sure you’re not entertaining a mood of bitterness within your spirit because you’re harboring ill will toward that other person. What is it that he or she personally did to you anyway? Live life . . . is that a crime I’m not aware of? Anyway, I’m of the opinion that an individual should be able to enjoy his or her achievements (the fruits of labor so to speak) without someone else taking it personally.
Remember: you’re not that other person. You’ve been designed to function in the skin you’re in. You want to attain that level of achievement that the successful person has achieved, but you don’t want to be that person. Recite this over and over again until you truly believe it and can move on to focusing on you and what you want to make out of your existence.
Another mindset goal (one for attaining success or the level of achievement that you desire) is to work for what you want. Don’t twiddle your thumbs and spend all your energy looking at other people succeeding at what they’re doing. Such unprofitable behavior can become negative after a while because you still don’t have the thing you want, because you’re too busy observing the livelihood of the person who does have what you want.
Why envy and resent someone for having the fortitude to get out there and make things happen? Remember: every success story is created by someone who had to put in the work to get the results. And guess what? YOU’LL HAVE TO PUT IN THE WORK TO GET THE RESULTS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR. Work first and see your results later. Only you can make your successes happen for YOU.
I hate to say it, but you’re not going to escape the overarching theme to this whole discourse: the fact that you have to work for want you want. And here’s how you go about it. Research what it is you need to do (the steps you need to take) in order to get to that same level of achievement that you’re admiring in someone else.
You might even gain surface level access to that person’s journey through what they’re freely willing to publicly share about their success. And, this information may give you some insight as to the steps taken to attain that success.
But be careful here. It’s not always in your best interest to take the steps that someone else took. And, a lot of times these people who you look up to will tell you that their particular journey worked for them, but it may not necessarily work for you. Regardless, you can still take into consideration the steps someone else took and evaluate whether or not those same steps are for you. They may not be and you must be willing to accept that and move on, if need be.
Here are some other things you can do:
- You can go on the Internet and research what to do.
- You can read books, articles, take online courses and in-person classes that teach you what to do.
- You can glean knowledge from family and friends, professional organizations, places of business, life coaches educated in personal and professional development to help give you guidance on what moves you need to make in order to achieve your goals.
- You can seek wisdom from wise mentors and people that you know personally who are living the kind of lifestyle that appeals to you or obtained that thing that you’re seeking. Find out what type of formal and informal education, work, and life experiences they went through to arrive at their current state of being.
So, research. But don’t stay in the researching and planning mode. Once you research and identify the steps you need to take and the resources you need to acquire to do or get what it is you’re seeking, then come up with a plan of action . . . a plan of execution for how you’re going to go about reaching your success.
Basically, it’s going to take going through a process of goal-setting with actionable steps for shrinking the gap between where you are now and where it is you want to be. Plans don’t have to be outrageous either. The best plans are those that are carefully thought out and have realistic, smaller benchmark goals that (little by little) will get you closer to your end or overall goal.
And goal-setting is right up this blog’s alley, because it just so happens that I have a series of posts dedicated to getting your plans in order so you can realize your ultimate dreams. (I’ll include some links at the end of this article. So, please check them out.)
However, I want you to keep in mind that the work doesn’t stop with goal-setting. Ideally, the goal-achieving part is the only reason you’d set out to do goal-setting in the first place.
And in all this writing I’ve been doing, I want you to grab a hold of the big take-away here: the golden ticket is simply found in THE WORK. There is work to be done with the goals to be had.
So, in a concise and neatly-wrapped package, here’s the remedy for comparing yourself to someone else:
- Get the information – research what it is you need to do or the steps you need to take in order to achieve the level of success you see in someone else.
- Then, come up with a plan of action that incorporates all the mini steps/goals/action items you must carry out in order to arrive at your end/overall goal or that level of success you seek.
- And last, but most importantly, you have to execute your plan. Because as we all should know as grown folks, a plan is useless if you never put any action into it. Do the things that get you where you want to be.
Spend your time wisely. Actually, do the work instead of begrudging people who have the success that you want, while comparing yourself to them. If you’re always wondering why you’re not where the overachievers are, it could be because you’re not putting in the necessary work on your behalf.
Stop focusing so much on what other people are doing, idling in the observation mode and never quite reaching the implementation of your success plan. You live beneath your privilege when you know what to do to achieve the goals that lead to life betterment, but you never act on the knowledge you possess. What a waste!
You’re in this constant cycle of discontentment. You want to experience a certain level of achievement, but you constantly forgo what it is you need to do in order to get there. And then, you find yourself consistently fixated on those who are successfully where you want to be, marveling at their accomplishments and stuck in an observation rut that’s getting you nowhere.
See the vicious cycle I’m talking about? I’m sure you do. And if you’re currently caught in this spin cycle, then get out of it!
Hopefully, this is the kind of baby rant that you needed to kick yourself into gear. And if today’s topic doesn’t apply to you but you know of someone who needs a wake-up call, then please pass this on. I would love for everyone to realize their greatest and most positive potential.
Let me leave you with this food for thought:
Actions speak louder than words. (Do you really want what you say you do?)
Actions speak louder than intentions. (Do you really want what you intend to do?)
Actions speak louder than plans. (Do you really want what you plan to do?)
IF “YES” TO ALL OF THE ABOVE, THEN LET’S GET IT!